Saturday, April 29, 2006

I can probably count the really traumatic days on one hand. Today would be one of them. After the first phone call I wondered how the sun could shine, the birds sing? How could I feel Spring in the air? BK is gone. Gone, just like that. It wasn't a car accident. A fall off a cliff, something that could be explained. An ice slick. A drunk driver. No. God just decided to take her. A brain aneurysm A woman with three children. One seven years old and one handicapped. Why her and not me? I have no children. I have a family that would grieve. I take nothing away from that and I am grateful for it. But she has kids dependent on her. The randomness of it terrifies me. If there is no God, what does it all mean? And if there is no God, what is the point? Then, if there IS a God, why BK?

Julie called me this morning. I guess Roxanne tried to reach me, but I ignored the phone in favor of sleep. So Roxanne called Julie and then Julie called me and left a rather hysterical message on the phone to call her. I heard enough of the message to become aware that there was a problem and called her back immediately. Julie told me that BK had died. Details are unimportant and even wrong, so I won't go into them. I called Roxanne and she confirmed that BK had died. The rest of the morning is a blur, but I made some phone calls and worked a bit to try and make a bit of normalcy out of my day. Then low and behold around 11:00 am, I find out that BK has not died, but that she is on life support and they are going to run one more brain scan. If it proves flat, they will call in the donor people as she is a registered donor. No word for another hour. I decide to join a some friends for lunch at the Daylight Donuts. While I am there, Julie calls with the fantastic news that BK's pupils are dilating and she is responding to muscle stimulus. All hope is not lost after all. I have seen less worthy receive the miracle of recovery, why not BK? She has so much to fight for. Laurie Williams wanted to go down to the hospital on hearing the news and I know she does not like to drive, so I offer to take her down. This turns into a bit of a circus as Peggy and Radawna decide to go to. As they are picking me up, Aunt Kathy calls to tell me that BK has passed away and not to go, as the family has already left the hospital. How many times in one day, can you hear that a beloved friend has died? Her children were told twice also. It just doesn't seem right. Turns out that the report Julie received from Susie Peck, who was at the hospital, was wrong. They never held out hope regarding the muscle spasms. It was all normal for someone who experienced brain death. So BK is gone. Gone from her children. Gone from her family. Gone from her friends. This whole town will grieve. I do not know any one person who touched so many lives. The blessing of BK is that moments after her death, we were able to laugh at the stories and moments that had touched our lives. BK does not want us to wallow in our grief. She wants us to laugh at the absurdity of the things that make up our daily life. No one has been able to take the trials and tribulations that made up someone's daily life and make them fodder for a good story like BK. While she was crying over life, she was laughing at the same time. She was a lioness protecting her children and their rights. She bashed heads, hers and the ones getting in her way to making sure that her children got what they needed and deserved. She tackled the system and the majority. She never gave up. Her triumphs were many and her friend were legion. She has left a hole that cannot be filled. She loved the little things in life, from her little children, to little dogs, to little teapots. She collected, nurtured, she loved.

I do not understand the ways of life and death and I never will. I will never believe that there was a better meaning behind this loss. We need her here. Her children need her here. I know, wherever she is, they are peeing in their pants laughing at her stories. But god damn-it, it isn't right.