Still searching

I am still trying to find a label for myself. I know I am conservative. In some ways I get more so every day. But when a person goes to vote, they don't vote conservative, they vote Republican or Democrat or sometimes as an Independent.

When I was a kid I decided I wanted to be a part of a religious group. I had never been baptised, although we went to church off and on and I attended Sunday school at a Presbyterian church when I was five or six. I considered myself a free agent. I was in fourth grade, maybe fifth, when I decided to go to church with friends. Kind of scope out the options. I attended non-denominational, Latter Day Saints, Catholic, Lutheran and a few others. I sang in a choir for a while. All the while I was developing a sense of what I was going to believe in. I had no prior indoctrination. For all I knew, I would convert to Judaism. There were no preconceived ideas. So after several years of going to different churches and hearing the different doctrines I started sensing in myself a system of belief. I sat with it for a while and figured out what it best fit. Lo and behold I was baptised into the Catholic Church three days after I turned 18. I figured which Church best fit what I had found to be "The Truth" as I saw it. Did the Church fit 100%? No. There were some things that I could not reconcile myself to. I was a young, single female and there were ideas I thought I had to stick with. I swept them under the rug because, well, don't we all suspend disbelief just a little when it comes to religion? Well, I do. I have been asked to explain Church doctrine enough to know that sometimes all I can say is "just because". I do not try and cross science and Church beliefs. I get as confused as the most confused about religion. I believe the 'Apostolic Creed' and that is really all I need to say, as it says it all for me.

What does this all have to do with politics? I find myself going about this whole label thing in the same way I did with religion. I am reading. I am watching and I am trying to figure out what I believe in. Let me tell you something. I find it a whole lot easier to believe in the infallibility of the Pope than to believe a politician when his lips are moving. My biggest problem is that my political belief system is not falling so easily into a category as my religious beliefs did. What do I believe? Today I am an Isolationist. North Korea is scaring me. I am Pro-Life, but at the same time, I find it difficult to make someone take on my sensibilities. I believe "marriage" is more of a religious obligation, that should be sanctioned by churches. Civil unions, male or female or any mix you care, should be allowed, but, as a civil union for legal purposes. I believe government is too big and we need to overhaul the tax system. We should not have National health care, but our current system is flawed. We need to work on getting people off welfare and into supporting themselves and their families, whatever form they take. I believe in personal responsibility and think that our court system needs to start booting frivolous lawsuits. I believe that we should be able to make our own choices as to how we live as long as we do not infringe on others. So where do I fit? I am not anywhere near the Left. I have been a registered Republican for over twenty years and I feel a little abandoned by them. So am I Libertarian or Independent? Independent or Libertarian? Or am I still a Republican? I hope someone or something speaks to me like it did when I was seventeen. I have choices to make and this is not the time to be making wrong ones.

No working title but it is a rant

I don't have even a working title for this particular blog. Writing yesterday was rather cathartic for me. Let's see what happens today. Maybe this will be a wishing post. I wish I was less self involved. I wish I was less needy. I wish I was less self-destructive. That's boring. I wish I was more aware of the world. I wish I was more aware of others and what they needed. I wish I knew how to make a difference. That is better. Look outward and the inside will take care of itself. That is a great new slogan/mantra. I am going with it. I liked it so much I just tweeted it. So far no one has responded with anything like, "My God woman, you are like Deepak Chopra, only without the wisdom or depth, of course."

Living in today's world is an exciting, confusing and frightening experience. With the weapons of today, the world could end tomorrow for us. Or worse, it could just become some wasteland and we will all end up living in a Danny Boyle film. There is a pleasant thought. Or perhaps the world will just continue on as it is and we will live in the relative peace we are afforded while we keep at bay the people who would love to destroy us and our lifestyle. We must not let the terrorists of the world win. We must not give in, give quarter or show fear. When does it end? This is a game where there will be one winner and only one winner. There will never be a truce, a live and let live. And I do not put all the blame on one side. As perverse as it is, it is all about human nature, and we are all human and humans hate to co-exist with what they see as evil. And we are two sides of a coin and likely never to be at peace. I lose sleep over the thought. Israel and Palestine are an example of how it will never work between people who have different beliefs. I pray that they find a solution. I think the majority would be able to do it. But it takes only one set of principles to upset everything and prevent peace. One set. And it is hard to argue with someones principles. We are set to self destruct as we become this global mass of people. We infringe on each other and invade privacy, we put our wants and our needs above others. We think we know what is good for everyone. We are so caught up in our own self righteousness we forget that in demanding our rights, we trample on the rights of others. The born and the unborn. The weak and the strong alike perish because as individuals we think we know best. We have no prayer, because we might offend. We have no freedom to say things out loud or we might be condemned as hate mongers. We can't be proud of our country because someone who chose to live here might feel threatened or forced to assimilate. I am so frustrated and this has gone off on tangents I would not have believed it would. I just want to live in peace. Let my neighbor, near and far, live in peace. Let people worship as they choose. Be proud of who they are and where they live. Here or somewhere else. Every culture should be proud of who they are. We are every culture and that is what is so frustrating. And I don't even have the ability to help.